do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
