You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
