Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
