CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
