You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
