can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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