happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
