If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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