Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
