Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize