then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
