sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
