i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
