I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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