That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dicks are not precious.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
