I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
