remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
