Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
