At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
