Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
