she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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