I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
