Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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