worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
