I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
