We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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