just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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