Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
