The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
