Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
