i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
