Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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