I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
