New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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