That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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