wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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