my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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