The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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