Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
