I'm lost and stupid without you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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