i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
