And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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