My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
