they need to just BURY HIM!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We need to rekindle our bromance
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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