you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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