nut hugger
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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