My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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