my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Come on in and take your pants off
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