he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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