was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
