One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
