I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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