Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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