I could have mohawked her pubes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize