i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
