I think I died a long time ago.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is wine microwaveable?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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