she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
