the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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