i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize