I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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