so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
