if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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