The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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