Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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