He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
