I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
