So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
