just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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