so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
