I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
